Monday, May 9, 2011

Mother's Day.

This Mother's day was a little different this year. 
Here's how it all started out.
I had a feeling I was pregnant.
I was late.
Monday I took a pregnancy test, and sure enough....Pregnant!
Kyler and I were both so excited.
This pregnancy I felt a little different about telling people.
Maybe I just knew something deep down, something was going to happen.
We waited a few days.
We were so excited and we both thought it would be ok to tell close family.
Friday I felt fine, finished up some spring cleaning and yard work.
Saturday morning I woke up and felt different.
An hour later I started spotting.  I was so sad, I knew something was wrong.
I had passed some tissue, but didn't want to think anything of it.
The bleeding continued and didn't get any better, but worse.
I was having a really hard time, tears just kept coming.
I was hoping that everything would be ok and that maybe just maybe this might be normal.
(Even though I knew deep down inside, something was really wrong)
I took it easy the rest of the day and later that night Kyler took me on a date to subway.
The next morning (Sunday) I woke up to roses and a card.
Still bleeding, and even worse, and more tissue being passed.
I felt so sick, and so emotional.
All we could do is wait it out.
We waited until today to go to the doctor.
I got some blood drawn and an ultrasound done.
The ultrasound didn't show anything, which means I had passed everything.
It did prove there was a baby inside before I had miscarried (some wall was thick, don't remember the name)
We are blessed everything is ok.

I realized something though....that we really don't know what is going on in people's lives.  Something could be going on in their lives that is really hurting them or they are going through a hard time.  That is why we always need to treat people with kindness. I want to do better and go out of my way to make sure I do.  Everyone goes through trials in their lives whether big or small.  Trials shape us and form us into the people we are today.  I know many people who are going through harder trials then me. I know many people have gone through what I have gone through.  I'm just thankful for everything I do have and am blessed with.  It just really made me think about things.  Yes we are sad, but there are many more opportunities waiting for us.  Heavenly Father is in control and he knows what is best for us and what we can handle.

Even though my mothers day wasn't the way I had expected it to be.   I'm still very thankful for the chance I have to be a mom to Braxten. (and the 2 children we will get to raise in heaven)  It's not the easiest job, and sometimes I question myself, but its something I would not trade. It's worth every minute.  I might not know all the answers, and still have lots of questions but I'm doing my best.  I love everything Braxten teaches me.  I love having a little buddy all day to hang out with.  I love being a mom, it brings me the greatest joy! 

Happy Mother's Day!